


Initiating Kisses

by Aria_Lerendeair



Series: Magnus Bane Birthday Bash 2020 [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood is That Nice Thing, Alec Lightwood is a good boyfriend, Boundary Discussions, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Kisses, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, sappy boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28255164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria_Lerendeair/pseuds/Aria_Lerendeair
Summary: Alec asks Magnus a question, and it's a question Magnus isn't sure that he's ready to answer.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Magnus Bane Birthday Bash 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2069832
Comments: 17
Kudos: 421





	Initiating Kisses

**Author's Note:**

> Eternallysilvermagnusandalec prompted: I read a post about it so now I have feelings but: the first time Magnus initiates a kiss? It can be as emotional or smutty or hurt/comforty as you want (tho you might know I have a deep fondness for hurt/comfort and smut asdfghjkl;) Alec is the one seen to initiate kisses for a long stint of the relationship and I'd just love to see the feelings that might be involved during the first time Magnus takes the lead of a kiss
> 
> AND LISTEN I NEEDED THIS SO MUCH.

  
He had _always_ been too much. 

  
He’d known that. From their very first date. 

  
No matter that Alec had turned around and decided to give them their chance. No matter that Alec proved to him, each and every single day that he loved him without reservations. 

  
Magnus _knew_ better. He’d always known better. 

  
So he held back. He didn’t push, he didn’t demand more. He didn’t pull Alec into every kiss that he ever wanted to give his boyfriend. He waited, he let them go at Alec’s pace. And even now, with Alec spending almost every single night at the loft, Magnus held himself back, because he couldn't bear to lose this now that he had it. 

  
“Magnus?” Alec called, sliding off his boots. "Are you home?"

  
Magnus closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. Hearing Alec call the loft home was something that he would never tire of, no matter how long they were together. The knowledge that Alec was _safe_ here, that he felt welcome here, was an intoxicating one. 

  
"Yes!” Magnus called back, taking a deep breath, forcing himself to smile. He stepped out of his bedroom, pausing in the middle of the room to watch Alec finish hanging up his bow before turning to him. Then Alexander turned to him and paused, staring at him. 

  
Magnus blinked at the absolute arrested expression on Alec’s face and took a hesitant step towards him. "Alec? Are you all right?"

  
"You are _beautiful,”_ Alec breathed, smiling and shaking himself as he moved further into the loft. "Angels, Magnus, you’re so beautiful I can’t believe that you’re real some days."

  
Magnus flushed and stared at Alec, at the pleased, _relaxed_ smile on Alec’s face, his heart pounding. He exhaled shakily, his fingers clenching with the urge to grab onto Alec and kiss him until neither of them had air left to breathe. "You’re getting better at your flattery,” he teased instead, smiling up at Alec. 

  
Alec smirked. "I learned from the best."

  
Magnus laughed, even as Alec stepped in front of him, and tilted his head up, waiting for the expected kiss. But when none came, he blinked up at Alec in surprise. Alec who was watching him, his expression curious. His heart sank and he shifted, bringing more attention to Alec. "Alec?” 

  
“Magnus,” Alec said, taking a deep breath, reaching out to touch Magnus at the waist, pulling him in carefully. "May I ask you something?"

  
Magnus smiled and nodded, pressing himself up against Alec. "Anything you want, Alexander. Is everything okay?” 

  
Alec frowned and nodded. "Yeah. I just… noticed something. And I don’t know if you do it on purpose, but." He paused and kissed Magnus’ forehead gently, exhaling hard. "I need you to know that I’m not unhappy and even if you don’t know the reason, I promise it’s okay.” 

  
An uncomfortable tightness started to gather in his chest and Magnus tensed. "Wh, what’s wrong?"

  
"Nothing,” Alec repeated, his hands going around Magnus’ waist. "Nothing is wrong, Magnus. But I was wondering. You always let me kiss you first."

  
The uncomfortable feeling shifted to a rock in his stomach and Magnus closed his eyes against the fear that swamped him. Alec had _noticed._ Alec had noticed and now was going to wonder why and think, think who knows what. 

  
"At first,” Alec continued, even when Magnus’ face twisted in pain. "I thought it was because you didn’t want to pressure me. And I appreciated that. But, now I wonder if it’s… for another reason."

  
"Alexander…” Magnus started, squaring his shoulders, trying to think of a way, any way to get himself out of this, to find an answer to the statement that would keep them together. He couldn’t lose Alec, not yet. He wasn’t ready. 

  
Alec took another deep breath. "So I just wanted to make sure. You, you want to kiss me, right? When I kiss you?"

  
Magnus blinked, all of his thoughts skidding to a halt. 

  
That was…

  
That was _not_ what he expected. 

  
"Because if you don’t-” Alec started, his eyes wide and frantic. "Please, please tell me. You, you told me how important consent is and I’m worried you don’t want-"

  
Magnus pressed a finger to Alec’s lips, silencing him as he took another slow, shuddering breath. "Alexander?” 

  
Alec made a noise against Magnus’ finger to show he was listening. 

  
“You always surprise me,” Magnus said, shaking his head, smiling as he pulled his finger away. He met Alec’s eyes. "Yes, Alec. I want to kiss you."

  
"Then why…” Alec frowned. "Why do you always wait for me to initiate a kiss?"

  
Magnus gave a rueful chuckle and leaned in to press his forehead against the steady beat of Alec’s heart, listening to it, glad when Alec kept him curled close against his chest. Alec would never push him for an answer if he wasn’t ready to give it, and he had never been more certain of that in his entire life. 

  
"You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Alec continued. "I just, I want to make sure I’m not hurting or upsetting you."

  
Magnus wanted to laugh at the absurd idea that Alec kissing him could in any way hurt or upset him when he wanted nothing more than to be kissing his boyfriend every minute they were together. And then a few extra, just for good measure. 

  
"You’re not hurting or upsetting me,” Magnus forced himself to say, pushing himself back just enough to look up at Alec. "I promise you’re not." He took a deep breath and steeled himself. "But in the past, I’ve…” he hesitated. 

  
Alec waited, watching Magnus carefully as he suddenly tried to hunch in on himself and he realized why Magnus hadn’t been kissing him. His heart skipped several painful beats, but he waited, his eyes on his boyfriend. 

  
“I’ve been called clingy. And too much,” Magnus said, closing his eyes as he exhaled hard. "I know I’ve told you that. But it’s been true for everything, not just spending time together. I don’t, I didn’t want to press you into something you weren’t ready for."

  
Alec nodded and kissed Magnus’ forehead again. "You’ve always let us go at my pace, Magnus. But you shouldn’t be denying yourself something that you want and need just because I’m new at this.” 

  
Magnus chuckled. "Pretty sure you’ve got some experience under your belt now."

  
"As you well know,” Alec teased back, smiling. "But Magnus," he cupped Magnus’ cheeks in his palms and carefully ran his thumbs over the curve of his cheekbones. "You’re not too much for me. I want to be with you every moment I’m not here. I want to kiss you every minute of every day. You can kiss me as often as you want. I _want_ that.” 

  
Magnus’ breath caught and he stared at Alec, at the sincerity shining in his eyes. Alec was telling the truth, and the realization, the _knowledge_ made his heart ache in the best ways. He forced himself to nod and pressed his forehead against Alec’s shoulder again. "I’ll keep that in mind," he whispered. 

  
When Alec didn’t press for anything further and simply held onto him tighter, Magnus let himself relax. This was exactly what he wanted and needed. 

  
~!~

  
The next morning, Magnus walked into the kitchen to find Alec glaring at the coffee machine. It was his constant nemesis, and no matter how many times Magnus walked him through using a cup of coffee, the machine simply did not like behaving for Alexander. "Coffee machine causing issues again?” 

  
“Yes,” Alec grunted, glaring at it. "Can you use your oh-so-magical touch to fix it?"

  
Magnus stopped by Alec and reached up, wrapping one hand around his neck to pull him down for a soft kiss, smiling up at him. "Gladly, Alexander.” He turned to the coffeemaker, his heart pounding hard as he focused on pouring himself and Alexander a cup. 

  
When he turned back around, two mugs in hand, Alec was staring at him with the widest grin he’d ever seen on his shadowhunter. Magnus stared at the smile for a long moment before he realized Alec was taking the cups of coffee away from him, to put on the counter behind him. 

  
“Alexander-”

  
“I love you,” Alec blurted, pressing Magnus back against the counter with a hard kiss. "I love you, so much," he breathed, kissing Magnus again, and then again. 

  
Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec’s shoulders and grinned into the kiss, holding on tight. He should have known that Alec would be different. 

  
He _always_ was. 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Criticisms welcome!
> 
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